I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
