I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You are a genius and a whore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
