In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
