if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
