Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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