My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
