i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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