Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
