I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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