There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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