the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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