but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
