I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
