"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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