well you can't waste a boner
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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