i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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