The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
