Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize