i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
