I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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