Are we in a gay sports bar?
Porn is love you can see.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
