wakey wakey hands off snakey
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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