I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
