Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
