Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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