Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
