God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
