i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
