the day after is always just damage control
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
