I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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