k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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