there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
