Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
