I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
