I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
