Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
