yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
