I wish they made helmets for livers.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You've changed since you got that strap on
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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