Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
