Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
