I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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