I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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