My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
