Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
