Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
