i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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