I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
