oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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