im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
