Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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