When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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