I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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