I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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