shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.