Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.