Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The best revenge is premature balding
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?