Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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(517): I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie. http://tfl.nu/vu4d

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(646): View more from New York

ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

(812): View more from Indiana

?

(646): View more from New York

Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

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(646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s

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(217): View more from Illinois

How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

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(217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq

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(360): View more from Washington

so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy

(360): View more from Washington

man i love america

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(360): so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy (360): man i love america http://tfl.nu/mq4b

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(650): View more from California

I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.

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(650): I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'. http://tfl.nu/1o2s

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(214): View more from Texas

Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

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(214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng

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(845): View more from New York

I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount

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(845): I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/tdiu

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(713): View more from Texas

I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.

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(713): I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume. http://tfl.nu/yxor

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(785): View more from Kansas

She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?

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(785): She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/2hle

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.

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(504): I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit. http://tfl.nu/0gcq

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.

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(724): Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/u2pl

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(804): View more from Virginia

I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.

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(804): I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit. http://tfl.nu/xryz

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(269): View more from Michigan

We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.

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(269): We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him. http://tfl.nu/ojms

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(703): View more from Virginia

The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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(703): The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am http://tfl.nu/d51l

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(315): View more from New York

So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.

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(315): So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt. http://tfl.nu/iloo

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