i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.