At least make sure they are 18
literally had 100 drinks last night.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?