the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need moral support for this bender
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
