are you still at the devil's house?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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