Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
