Redeem this text for a blowjob
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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