We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying