I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.