i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.