that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager