My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.