when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.