I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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