He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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