I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
