She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
