So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
