At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
