That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
