I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
