I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
