My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
