a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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