Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
